Simpsons Tapped Out: Level 37


Released: 11/7/13

Level 37 is here! Immediately following the Halloween event we jump right into the level 37 update! This update includes the Bachelor Arms Apartments with Kirk and the Premium Cracker Factory with Luann (150 donuts).

LEVEL 37 QUEST LINE

Bart Starts
Bart: Milhouse, you look different? New inhaler? New medicated scalp shampoo? New spine shaper?
Milhouse: This is what I look like when I’m happy.
Bart: What do you have to be happy about? You’re Milhouse.
Milhouse: Exactly! And today is Milhouse Day!
Milhouse: It’s a holiday I invented, and it occurs every day!
Milhouse: No parents, no homework, and no ear medicine — just all the candy we can eat! This will go down in history!
Bart: That’s a tall order considering our video-game-shortened attention spans… Oh hey Milhouse, you look different.

Candy Day
Make Bart Shot At Kwik E Mart – 60m, 70c, 17xp
Make Milhouse Shop At Kwik E Mart – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Marge Starts
Marge: I’d hate to seem “un-cool” or “un-hip” or “without wiggy” but…
Marge: I’ve noticed a lot of children happily wandering around without the judgmental eye of a parent questioning all of their choices.
Lovejoy: Look Marge, when you asked to help with the Church’s bake sale, I expressly forbade meddling.
Marge: Mmmmm…
Lovejoy: And grumbling.
Lovejoy: Alright fine, as a favor to God, what is your concern?
Marge: It’s Milhouse. I’m starting to think that he’s a bad influence on Bart.
Lovejoy: Right, and Jesus was a bad influence on Judas.
Lovejoy: Instead of talking to THE father, why not talk to HIS father? My wife tell me he’s in the doghouse again at the Bachelor Arms.

Bachelor Arms
Build the Bachelor Arms – 253,500 – 24 hours – Unlocks: Kirk – 13×10

Milhouse: Dad! You’re back! Just when I thought I would have to go through puberty without male guidance.
Milhouse: Luckily, I’m a late bloomer.
Kirk: All the Van Houten’s are late bloomers. It’s actually our family crest.
Kirk: My head hurts. The last thing I remember was arguing with our mother.
Kirk: Then I woke up in my old bachelor pad, locked in the trunk of my racecar bed.
Kirk: Is this Springfield? What happened here?
Milhouse: That’s a long story, but I can tell you all about it!
Kirk: How about over dinner? Good ol’ dad’s gonna treat you to the finest restaurant in town! Let me check my change purse…
Kirk: On second thought, how about the finest restaurant most recently shut down by the health department?

Weekend Dad Pt. 1
Make Kirk Eat at Krusty Burger – 30m, 40c, 10xp
Make Milhouse Eat at Krusty Burger – 30m, 40c, 10xp

Milhouse: Thanks, Dad — that was fun! Maybe we should make it a weekly thing?
Kirk: Let’s not get our hopes up son. I am Kirk Van Houten after all — I may not always be rolling in so much spare change.
Kirk: But it’s a new Springfield and a new me! From now on, when I cry in the shower, it will be standing up!

Marge: Kirk, I’m glad you’re back. Milhouse has been a real bad influence on Bart lately.
Kirk: Milhouse is now the bad kid! My kid is really moving up in the world. Usually it’s Bart who need to be reined in.
Marge: You’be been gone for 36 levels and you have the gall to give me parenting advice?
Kirk: 36 levels? How many characters did they have to go through to get to me? Did they even have names?
Marge: I thought you knew. I’m really sorry to be breaking the fourth wall like this. Frankly, it’s cheap storytelling.
Kirk: Cheap storytelling is all I deserve.
Kirk: No, I’m the new Kirk and I’m not going to let this get to me.
Kirk: I’m fine with level 36. 36 was a good year — I had most of my hair at 36.
Marge: You’re actually level 37…
Kirk: I lost all of my hair at 37! They built an amusement park before bringing me back! Can you believe that, kid?
Ralph: I think I followed the wrong blue haired fat man home from the grocery store…

Weekend Dad Pt. 2
Make Kirk Cry Sitting Down in the Shower – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Kirk: There are just no job opportunities for a salt of the earth unsalted cracker man like myself.
Milhouse: Maybe you should try soemthing new?
Kirk: Wafers? Biscuits? Tortillas? Biscotti?
Milhouse: Maybe you need to think a little bit more outside the box.
Kirk: But I already lost the company millions with Cracker in a Bag.
Milhouse: Why don’t you go out and look for something new? I’m sure you’ll be bringing home the bacon in no time.
Kirk: Bacon? Not on my budget.

Weekend Dad Pt. 3
Make Kirk Thaw Frozen Hotdogs in the Sink – 12h, 420c, 100xp

Kirk: What am I doing? I was given a fresh start and already I’m eating expired partially thawed hot dogs.
Kirk: Luann will never take me back if I don’t turn myself around and get a job.
Marge: Maybe you should talk to Reverend Lovejoy.
Kirk: Because he always offers sage advice to those in need?
Marge: No, he’s just a bit friendlier to people showing up at his doorstep uninvited.

Kirk: Reverend, I’m here because I have nowhere else to go.
Lovejoy: I understand. Desperation is the number one reason why people turn to religion.
Kirk: Great, I’d like some money please.
Lovejoy: You can’t just ask for money.
Kirk: Isn’t that the point of the collection plate?
Lovejoy: *sigh* If I get you a job interview, will you promise to leave and never to come back?
Kirk: At least the first part!

Weekend Dad Pt. 4
Make Kirk Work at the School – 24h, 20c, 200xp

Willie: You want to learn the ancient art of groundskeeping do ye? Well, it’s going to be a long road filled with arduous trials.
Willie: Why I bet you don’t know the first thing about being a groundskeeper.
Kirk: If someone vomits, clean it up.
Willie: You’re a natural. Like a young me, only sadder. And fatter. And older.
Willie: Now hold open this trash bag while a student volunteer shovels in pig guts.
Willie: Add some chopped onion and you’ll have a mean haggis.
Nelson: Haha! Milhouse’s dad has a job!

Milhouse: You’re the school janitor?
Milhouse: Couldn’t you find an embarrassing soul-crushing job somewhere where everyone I know WOULDN’T see you?
Kirk: Actually, it’s an unpaid internship. But I get to take home the uneaten taco shells every Taco Tuesday!
Milhouse: But if you’re not getting paid, why even take the job?
Kirk: Because like is like a marriage… you just have to keep plugging away at it no matter how awful it is.
Kirk: Besides, do you think a success story like Kent Brockman get paid just to lie around all day?

Weekend Dad Pt. 5
Make Brockman Relax – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Kirk: Well that certainly showed me. I really wish I could have it that easy.
Milhouse: Why can’t you?
Kirk: There’s just nothing like that on the list of jobs.

Kirk: Uh hey Principal Skinner. All these cleaning supplies are giving me a rash, and my health insurance turned out to be just a band-aid and a tic-tac.
Skinner: How much are we paying you?
Kirk: Nothing.
Skinner: Oh no, we can’t afford that. You’re fired, immediately.
Kirk: Oh no, another failure. What am I going to do?
Lisa: Mr. Van Houten, perhaps I can be of some help.
Kirk: Marry Milhouse and give me a less mouth to feed?
Lisa: Not in a thousand years. But there’s a job opening at the Springfield Library.
Kirk: What is it? CEO? CFO? Head Librarian?

Weekend Dad Pt. 6
Make Kirk Work as a Library Door Monitor – 12h, 20c, 200xp

Wiggum: Alright, vagrant. I’m placing you under arrest for loitering without a laptop or half-finished screenplay.
Kirk: But I’m not a vagrant or a hack writer! I work here!
Wiggum: A likely story! And a pretty good one. Good enough that it belongs in MY half-finished screenplay “All Hail the Chief: A Wiggum Adventure.”
Wiggum: Lou, bring him in for questioning about his backstory.

Weekend Dad Pt. 7
Make Kirk Serve Time – 24h, 600c, 150xp

Tony: Mr. Van Houten! Before you return to your life of drudgery, perhaps you and I could come to some sort of favorable agreement.
Tony: I happen to have a legitimate job that needs doing, but all my employees are only trained in illegitimate jobs.
Tony: You see, an associate of mine has built some new condos, and it would please him greatly if someone were to help him in the sale department.
Kirk: Like real-estate agent?
Tony: I suppose you could look at it that way; but no, in reality not so much.
Tony: Perhaps I could say you have no choice in the matter. That it’s either this or sleep with the fishes.
Kirk: That’s a choice.
Tony: I can see why your wife divorced you.
Kirk: That was a low blow. Lucky for you, I respond well to being belittled. You’ve got yourself an employee.

Weekend Dad Pt. 8
Make Kirk Advertise Condos – 12h, 420c, 100xp

Cletus: Hot dog! That’s some top notch standin’. You interested in graduatin’ up to the big leagues?
Kirk: I’ll do anything to get out of being a human sign! What do you need?
Cletus: A human scarecrow. Them crows can smell failure a mile away.
Kirk: A job where failure’s a requirement? Everything’s coming up Kirk!
Cletus: You’ll have to provide your own tattered clothes… but I sees you got those already.

Weekend Dad Pt. 9
Make Kirk Protect Crops – 16h, 500c, 125xp

Milhouse: Dad, I haven’t seen you in ages. Is it because you found a job?
Kirk: I didn’t find a one job, I found several. Why work one job with benefits when you can work lots of jobs without any at all?
Kirk: It’s the new American dream!
Milhouse: Great, want to go eat at a restaurant to celebrate?
Kirk: Even better idea. How about I go work at a restaurant to celebrate?

Weekend Dad Pt. 10
Make Kirk Work as an Assistant Dishwasher – 12h, 20c, 200xp

Kirk: You’re firing me?
Teen: I’m sorry Mr. Van Houten. Things just aren’t working out.
Kirk: The company rulebook says nothing prohibiting bathing in the sink. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! Also do you know any cheap lawyers?

Kirk: Milhouse, would it be too scarring for you if you rocked your old man to sleep in your arms, stroking his hair, telling him it’s all going to work out?
Milhouse: You lost your job again, didn’t you?
Kirk: Kids are just too perceptive these days.
Milhouse: Don’t worry — I’ve got it covered! You know how all these years, you’ve told me that being friends with Bart was a waste of time?
Milhouse: Well, not any more! His dad is desperate to hire someone!
Kirk: What kind of job could Homer possibly be hiring for?
Milhouse: I don’t know — but he said it’s in the game industry.

Weekend Dad Pt. 11
Make Kirk Gold-Farm in Homer’s Happy Little Elves Game – 24h, 20c, 200xp

Homer: Just keep doing the shortest jobs possible over and over again.
Homer: That’s the best way for me to get gold in Happy Little Elves game.
Kirk: Can’t you just buy some Elf Berries?
Homer: I don’t pay you to think. I pay you to tap!

Homer: That was a great first day, Kirk.
Homer: Now it’s time for you to work your first night. And then the next day, and then the next night, and…
Kirk: But Homer, I need to sleep.
Homer: Fine, you can sleep after that. But I’m docking all this sleeping time you’re taking from your salary.

Weekend Dad Pt. 12
Make Kirk Gold-Farm in Homer’s Happy Little Elves Game – 24h, 20c, 200xp – 0/3

Homer: Great work, Milhouse’s Dad! Now I believe your cut was ten percent of the gold you farmed for me…
Kirk: What?! You’re going to pay me in-game currency? What good is that going to do me?!
Homer: Maybe you haven’t noticed, but it’s all in-game currency around here. No one says “dollars” anymore.
Kirk: Well, at give me some premium currency then!
Homer: Donuts? Fat chance, fatso!
Kirk: I’m not the fatso — you’re the fatso!
Homer: I believe you mean, “you’re the fatso, boss.”
Homer: Here, I’ll pay you with this thing I found in the basement. It’s been around for years and no one wants it. Just like you.
Kirk: Wow, that was really mean.
Homer: I know. It felt bad as soon as I said it, sorry. I think I’m just depressed because you’re life is so sucky.

Weekend Dad Pt. 13
Place the Golden Calf Idol – 0.75% bonus – 2×2

tsto_calf

Kirk: I bet I can pawn this cow off at the comic book shop. He collect all sorts of weird stuff.
CBG: Ah, the golden statue from the discontinued dance show Twerkcules and the Golden Calf.
CBG: Unfortunately, this is a fake. Therefore, I will give you nothing for it.
Kirk: Nothing? I was hoping for a little more than that!
CBG: Fine, I will pay you something, but only if you stand around in the shop.
CBG: Your presence makes my customers feel better about their own lives by comparison.

Weekend Dad Pt. 14
Make Kirk Get Belittled by Nerds – 12h, 20c, 200xp

Kirk: You know Milhouse, things are really looking up. Today I got a job based solely off my looks. Now I know how models feel.
Milhouse: Sounds like people are finally appreciating you. Maybe now we can throw out all your vision boards?

Milhouse: I guess you’re just about ready to nail a job as a big time manager, huh dad?
Kirk: Yeah, about that… it doesn’t seem like getting work experience is all that helpful in actually getting work.
Kirk: These jobs are all dead ends.
Kirk: What I need is time to network in all those cracker factory social circles, maybe graduate up to the glitzy world of graham crackers.
Milhouse: But who’s going to pay you to take time off and noodle around, looking for your dream job?
Kirk: The government!

Weekend Dad Pt. 15
Build the Unemployement Office – 310,500 – 11×15 – 36 hours build
Make Kirk Collect Unemployment Check – 24h, 600c, 150xp

tsto_unemployementoffice

Kirk: Wow, a check for doing nothing! Finally the government is good for something other than just building roads and hospitals.

Milhouse: Dad, when I grow up I’m going to be unemployed. Just like you!
Kirk: My son wants to follow in my footsteps. I am so proud.
Kirk: This is cause for a celebration! The Van Houtens are going to dine on the best food an unemployment check will allow!

Weekend Dad Pt. 16
Make Kirk Eat at Krusty Burger – 30m, 40c, 10xp
Make Milhouse Eat at Krusty Burger – 30m, 40c, 10xp

Milhouse: You know, with you not working all the time, it’s been nice to actually spend some time together.
Kirk: Without a job to get in the way, I see now that the most important thing in life is family.
Kirk: And government-provided unemployment benefits. Yeah, mostly that.

END

CRACKER FACTORY / LUANN

150 donuts – 10×10

Luann: Oh Milhouse, my sweet sweet treasure! Mommy’s come home.
Milhouse: You’re back! Finally someone who knows how to open the dryer. My pants are so damp.
Luann: Not so fast, baby bear. Mommy has to head to the factory and check on our family’s bread and cutter – crackers!
Luann: Can you make yourself dinner?
Milhouse: Dad taught me how to cook eggs on the radiator of the car.
Luann: *sigh* Your father spends one Labor Day Weekend in a homeless shelter and suddenly he’s full of hobo tricks.
Luann: Hold on and I’ll cook you something nutritious to eat.

Money Vs. Milhouse Pt. 1
Make Luann make Mommy Meals for Milhouse – 60m, 105c, 26xp
Make Luann Check on the Cracker Factory – 12h, 600c, 150xp

Luann: Milhouse, sit down, I’ve got some big news to tell you.
Milhouse: I can’t sit down. I’m only programmed to walk and fade away into a house.
Luann: That is exactly the tomfoolery I won’t have time for when I’m running the cracker factory!
Luann: I became the new owner today!
Milhouse: What happened to Grandpa Mussolini?
Luann: My first act as CEO will be to enact some new safety regulations.
Luann: Such as no over the age of 80 can roller skate bear the cracker cutters.

Luann: Now since I am new to the world of business, I need to network to make important and exciting contacts.
Milhouse: I could introduce you to my friends. They are the working generation of tomorrow.
Luann: No, I don’t want to see Kearny again… too many painful memories.
Milhouse: So where are you going to network.
Launn: At the only bar in town that accepts industrial cracker salt as payment.
Milhouse: Just don’t come home with another new uncle. I think the last one stole my walkie talkies.

Money Vs. Milhouse Pt. 2
Make Luann Go to Moe’s – 4h, 260c, 70xp
Make Milhouse Go to his Room – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Milhouse: Mom, what are all these boxes? Are they presents?
Luann: Well, they’re presents for somebody. Somebody special. Me!

Money Vs. Milhouse Pt. 3
Make Luann Relax in a Jacuzzi Suit – 12h, 600c, 150xp
Make Luann Ride in the MegaGlobe – 24h, 1000c, 225xp

Milhouse: Mom, you’ve been CEO for a week and haven’t gone into the office once.
Milhouse: You just keep ordering inspirational business posters.
Luann: I’ll have you know the key to success is inspirational business posters. So says this poster.
Milhouse: Dad always says never waste your money on office decorations. Or office supplies. Or working fire exits.
Luann: If your father’s so smart, then why didn’t he inherit a cracker factory?
Milhouse: I’m just worried about paying for all this stuff.
Luann: Don’t be. Because I’m going to hire the most expensive financial consultant money can buy!

Money Vs. Milhouse Pt. 4
Make Luann Get an Overpriced Consultant – 12h, 600c, 150xp

Milhouse: I know that look. It’s the same look Dad had when he was rejected from that medical study.
Milhouse: Do you have clinically depressed sperm too?
Luann: No, Milhouse. I maxed out the credit cards on that fancy consultant.
Luann: Look like we’ll have to discontinue our gluten-free, salt-free, reduced-taste cracker line.
Milhouse: The Milhouse Signature? But I told all my friends I had a cracker named after me. They’re both going to be disappointed.
Luann: I promise I can fix things. I just need to hire some new staff.
Milhouse: But I thought you said all the money was gone.
Luann: Remember when mommy and daddy weren’t talking and tried to buy your love with two allowances? You saved all that right?
Milhouse: I was going to buy Lisa’s love with it, but my cracker legacy is more important. You can have it.

Money Vs. Milhouse Pt. 5
Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory – 0/2 – 8h, 420c, 105xp
Make Springfield’s Working Class Work at the Cracker Factory – 0/3 – 10h, 350c, 90xp
Homer, Hans Moleman, Carl

Luann: Look Milhouse, I singlehandedly saved the factory.
Milhouse: That’s great! Does this mean I get my money back?
Luann: Sorry sweetheart but corporate bonuses comes first.
Luann: And bad news, the Milhouse Signature was banned by the FDA. They said a cracker can’t be more that 80% cardboard.

Edna: The Cracker Factory is really booming, Luann. Any tips for us amateur investors?
Luann: Well, I could tell you my secret but then I’d have to kill you.
Luann: Just kidding, the cracker business hasn’t been a front for the mob since 1973.
Agnes: We’ve been planning to pool our money and buy a business but we can’t decide which. We’d love your opinion.
Edna: I’m leaning towards a company that specializes in Hawaiian shirts for dogs.
Agnes: And I think Hawaiian shirts give dogs bad ideas. We’re in quite the stand off.

The Investorettes Pt. 1
Make Luann Go to an Investorettes Meeting – 12h, 600c, 150xp
Make Mrs. Krabappel Go to an Investorettes Meeting – 12h, 600c, 150xp
Make Agnes Go to an Investorettes Meeting – 12h, 600c, 150xp

Edna: You’re right, Luann. One of the safest investments is a restaurant. But why stop there – how about a fast food franchise?
Luann: The timing is perfect – we haven’t built a health department yet!

The Investorettes Pt. 2
Place a Fleet-a-Pita – 5600c, +Gluttony (THIS IS ALSO NOW AVAILABLE IN KRUSTYLAND FOR 500 TICKETS AND IS +GRUB)

tsto_fleetapita

Agnes: I’m in charge of coming up with the slogan. How about “Eat Up, You Fat Slobs!”

Edna: Now the real work begins, it’s time to roll up our sleaves and get cookin’!
Agnes: My sleeves will stay down, thank you. This isn’t Woodstock.
Luann: Why stress ourselves out with chopping and frying?
Luann: We’re the business owners not business workers, let’s hire the local riffraff and pay them next to nothing.
Luann: Then we’ll sit back and watch the money roll in like it exploded out of a giant floating thumbs up.

The Investorettes Pt. 3
Make Local Chumps Work a Fleet-a-Pita Shift – 0/3 – 10h, 350c, 90xp
Homer, Hans Moleman, Carl, Cletus,
Make Springfieldeans Eat at Pita at Fleet-a-Pita – 0/15
Bart, Apu, Lisa, Marge, Moe, Skinner, Cletus, Homer, Carl, Hans Moleman, Krusty, Comic Book Guy, Ned, Rev Lovejoy, Grampa, Wiggum, Snake, Luigi, ETC

Edna: We’re a hit! All those years spent embezzling field trip money have finally paid off.
Edna: And I think those kids still learned a lot on those retreats to the school’s parking lot.
Luann: It’s time to act like my husband’s waistline and expand, expand, expand!

The Investorettes Pt. 4
Have a Chain of Fleet-A-Pitas – 0/5
Make Springfieldeans Eat at Pita at Fleet-a-Pita – 0/20

Luann: Thanks to cutting employee pay and replacing our meat with M.E.A.T: Meat Brand Substitute, we’re raking in the dough.
Luann: I think it’s finally time to splurge a little bit. I’m going to invest in some quality all-natural blue eyebrows.
Agnes: I think Seymour is becoming too independent – like a dog in a Hawaiian shirt. I want to get him microchipped.
Edna: I was thinking of buying something nice for that lonely kid-
Edna: -ney shaped pool in my backyard. Solid gold pool noddles!
Agnes: Ladies, we’ve done it again. Investorettes: 1 Springfield: 0. Suck it, Sucktown!
Edna: You’re not allowed to come up with anymore slogans.

Kirk: Hey Luann! All my years of hard work finally paid off, by not paying off at all. I’m getting free checks from the government!
Kirk: I’m even thinking about buying back my molars from that pawnshop. Do YOU get paid to do nothing?
Luann: Basically, yes. Running a cracker factory is like being on unemployment, only with more money and fewer forms.
Kirk: Oh man, I’ve got to fill out one form every two weeks. Why can’t I win?
Luann: Because you’re a loser. You’re the only man I know with a World’s Second Best Dad mug.
Kirk: Please give me back my job at the Cracker Factory. I’m not above begging. In fact, I’m well below it.
Luann: So you want to come crawling back to crackers?
Luann: Fine, I’ll hire you Kirk. But you’ll have to start at the beginning – as a crack intern.

Hardly Kirk-ing Pt. 1
Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory – 8h, 420c, 105xp
Make Kirk Work at the Crack Factory – 8h, 20c, 200xp

Kirk: Long day at the factory. Turns out I only get two 15-minute breaks and both I’m required to spend working.
Kirk: And I’m pretty sure half of the employees are pairs of children wearing giant trench coats.
Luann: You better not report those kids – I mean stacked adults – to the government or else I’ll have you fired.
Kirk: I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve ruined the magic of crackers. You don’t have to fire me — I quit.

Luann: Kirk, if you want to stay a part of this family, you are going to have to get a real job.
Luann: And I know what you’re thinking, and that doesn’t include organ donor.
Kirk: I’ve been dedicating my time to the most important job there is – being a father.
Luann: Where’s Milhouse right now?
Kirk: Trick question! That’s not our son’s name. Oh wait, it is. Fine, I’ll get a job. Do you mind taking a look at my resume?
Luann: Hmm…cleaning vomit, scaring away birds, groveling… actually I might have the perfect job for you.
Luann: You can manage one of my Fleet-A-Pitas! Well, assistant manage. Actually just work there.
Kirk: I’m in management!

Hardly Kirk-ing Pt. 2
Make Kirk Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas – 16h, 20c, 200xp

Kirk: I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pedal pita when in my heart I know it’s just a soft, salt-less, un-American substitue cracker.
Kirk: But how can I tell Luann that I want to quit?
Kirk: Maybe I can fake my own death, convince Luann I’m a ghost and live in the crawl space.
Kirk: Nah, she wouldn’t fall for that a second time.

Kirk: Hey Homer, you seem to have it all together. Can I ask you for some advice?
Homer: Never train a monkey to do your job for you because then you’ll get a monkey boss. There you go! The first one’s free.
Kirk: Thanks Homer. But I Was looking for some advice about my marriage.
Homer: Never bring a monkey home. You’re welcome!
Kirk: Luann doesn’t want me or need me.
Kirk: She’s better at everything than I am – running the cracker factory, raising our son, even peeing standing up.
Homer: Don’t forget running the Cracker Factory.
Kirk: I already said that one.
Homer: She’s just really good at it. Like so much better than you.
Kirk: What am I going to do, Homer?
Homer: Don’t ask me. Marge handles all the relationship problems herself.
Homer: Why don’t you try a book? I’ve heard good things about them from Lisa.

Hardly Kirk-ing Pt. 3
Make Kirk Brorrow a Self Help Book – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Kirk: Those self-help books really showed me the error of my ways.
Kirk: It turns out that the secret to a healthy relationship is appreciating your partner and buying more self-help books.
Homer: Oh yeah, showing appreciation is important.
Homer: For instance, Marge fixes me breakfast every morning. And I… uh… drink beer.
Kirk: I should do something special for Luann. Are coupons for free hugs still a thing?
Homer: This isn’t your anniversary, Kirk. This calls for some serious romance.
Homer: You should take her out to dinner… and don’t order anything that requires a bib.
Kirk: That sounds expensive. How’s an unemployed loser like me going to afford that?
Homer: Think of it as in investment. Invest money in Luann now, and once she let’s you back in the house–
Kirk: I can steal money from her purse!

Kirk: Luann, we have to talk.
Luann: What is it this time?
Kirk: I know I’ve been a huge disappointment to you and that I don’t deserve another chance but if you let me, I’d like to make it up to you.
Kirk: Let me take you to the most expensive dinner in town.
Kirk: It’s where they make normal food look weird and taste almost exactly the same. El Chemistri!
Luann: Is there a catch? How can you afford this?
Kirk: The owner of the restaurant owes me a favor. I let him he with his car for fun.

Hardly Kirk-ing Pt. 4
Make Luann Dine at El Chemistri – 4h, 260c, 70xp
Make Kirk Dine at El Chemistri – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Luann: Kirk, I-I am speechless, I really didn’t expect something this thoughtful from you.
Luann: I actually don’t expect anything at all from you. Seriously ever.
Kirk: I’m always here to support you in this marriage, Luann.
Kirk: Emotionally, not financially. Just want to make that crystal clear.
Luann: Oh, Kirk. I guess you’ll do.
Kirk: You have no idea how long I’ve waiting to hear those words.

Luann: I’ve thought it over and I think I haven’t been fair to you.
Luann: As long as you’re willing to do absolutely everything I say without question, then I’m willing to offer you your old management job back at the Cracker Factory.
Kirk: The job I was born for! Being an empty suit!
Luann: How about we carpool in the MegaGlobe today sweetheart? At least until I head to execultive parking.

Hardly Kirk-ing Pt. 5
Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory – 8h, 420c, 105xp
Make Kirk Run the Cracker Factory – 8h, 420c, 105xp

Milhouse: I’m so glad my parents are no longer fighting!
Milhouse: At least for this week…

END

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One Comment

  1. Was surprised there is a Pt 4 to The Investorettes where they have to buy 5 Fleet-a-Pitas and with the same quest of 15 Springfieldeans eating there….not sure what comes after that…in the midst of this quest

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