Homer: I don’t know what’s more distrubing, a church that worships a giant seller of donuts, or the fact that I don’t belong to it.

First Church of Lard Lad Pt. 1
Make Homer Join the First Church of Lard Lad – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Homer: I don’t have to wear orange robes and a turban, do I?
Larder: Don’t be sully, we’re a perfectly respectable religion. Now here, put on your jelly-filled underwear.

Homer Starts
Larder: Bow down before Lard Lad, only begotten son of Lard Dad, sent to Earth to crush sinners with his Holy Donut.
Homer: Oh Holy Donut, fill our blood with Sprinkles of Power, that we may join you in heaven, currently located on the International Space Station.

First Church of Lard Lad Pt. 2
Make Homer Worship Lard Lad’s Donut – 30m, 40c, 10xp

Larder: What happened to Lard’s Lad’s Holy Donut?!
Homer: I ate it.
Larder: But it’s made of Styrofoam.
Homer: I see that now. I’m burping up packing peanuts.

Homer Starts
Larder: Homer Simpson, for profaning the Holy Donut of Glory you must wear the Leaden Donut of Shame.

First Church of Lard Lad Pt. 3
Make Homer Wear the Lead Donut around his Neck – 12h, 420c, 100xp

Homer: Mmm… lead sprinkles.

Lisa: This sacred place holds the bones of the Native Americans who once roamed this land in peace with Mother Earth.
Bart: According to this sign, it’s also the future site of “Dirty Redskin’s RV Roundup.”
Lisa: That’s so offensive! I’m going to start a petition to stop it. And there’s nothing as indignant as an eight-year-old child.

Ancient Burial Ground Pt. 1
Make Lisa Prepare an Indignant Petition – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Lisa: Native American spirits, my petition has succeeded. They won’t be building an RV dealership on your burial grounds.
Native American: Thank you, Lisa. Now we can rest in peace.
Caveman: Great, but what about us? You Indians built your burial ground on top of our caveman body dump!
Elephant: What about US?! You dumped your caveman bodies on our mastodon death field!
Caveman: If you don’t like it you shouldn’t have gone extinct!

Ancient Burial Ground Pt. 2
Make Lisa Mediate Land Rights Between Angry Spirits – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Lisa: I can’t believe we couldn’t find a compromise you could all live with.
Elephant: We can’t live with anything — we’re dead.

Mastodon spirits now roam the town.

Equip your new tool and suck up some Ghosts!

Frink: Welcome to the latest in modern dwellings from Frinklin Homes, the Ultrahouse 2.
Frink: Controlled by an artificial intelligence designed to guarantee your every comfort, with the mood lighting and the climate control and the witty reparTAY!
Homer: Forget it. Last time we bought an Ultrahouse, it fell in love with my wife and tried to murder me. And it kept recording over my shows.
Frink: This Ultrahouse has been completely reprogrammed. I can assure you, it has zero interest in women.
Ultrahouse: Hello, Homer. My you’re an adorable chubby. How’d you like to have a drink with me?
Marge: The Ultrahouse 2 is gay?!
Homer: Now Marge, be tolerant. If an alternatively-oriented robotic dwelling wants to show me a good time, I say let it-him.
Cletus: I reckon it’s the hillbilly’s job to point out the alien craft menacing our skies?
Frink: I have positively identified this flying object as an unidentifiable flying object.

Ultrahouse 2
Make Homer Share a Romantic Evening with the Ultrahouse 2 – 24h, 600c, 150xp

YOU NOW WILL HAVE KODOS FLYING AROUND THE CITY. SEE OUR KANG & KODOS PAGE FOR MORE INFO.

Bart: So how’d your date with the Ultrahouse go, Dad?
Homer: Nice, but then he proposed a criss-cross where he murders Marge for me and I kill a bisexual garage in Shelbyville for him.
Bart: Pfft. Men.

Homer: King Snorky! The dolphin overlord who conquered Springfield and made us all move to the sea! My toes are still wrinkly from the sea water.
Snorky: A fate you richly deserved for humiliating me at Marine World… making me play with a beach ball like a common seal.
Snorky: Although I did like the belly scratching. Now scratch my belly!

Tap on King Snorky!

Homer: Stupid King Snorky. My fingernails are all scratched out.
Bart: Maybe we can get rid of him if we bribe him with a can of tuna fish.
Homer: Tuna, eh? The irresistible drug for jerks of the sea. To the Kwik-E-Mart!
Apu: We sell delicious “Horse of the Sea” brand tuna fish. Which would you prefer, solid or chunky style?
Homer: Um… well… I guess… um…

King Snorky Pt. 1
Make Homer Agonize over Which Style of Tuna To Buy – 12h, 420c, 100xp

Apu: Thank you, choose again!

Homer Starts
Homer: Oh cruel fish, we bring you an offering of tuna, so you will leave our town in peace. I got chunky and solid, your choice.
Snorky: Tuna fish! You know how many dolphins have been trapped in tuna nets? Is… is that a chunk of blowhole?!
Homer: Take it easy. You can eat around the blowhole.
Snorky: Now I’m really mad. Stand still while I insult you in dolphin. Squeak, pop, pop, squeak…
Homer: Man, who knew there were so many words for “fat” in dolphin.

King Snorky Pt. 2
Make Homer Cry after being Insulted by a Sea Mammal – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Homer Starts
Homer: Oh King Snorky, I’ve got another present for you.
Snorky: A beach ball! The symbol of my imprisonment at Marine World? How dare you?
Homer: Come on widdle dolphin. Who wants a pretty ball? Who wants a pretty ball?
Snorky: If you think I’m going to… I… um… I want that ball! Let me play with that ball!
Homer: That ought to keep old Herring Head busy for a while.
Bart: Nice going, dad. You’re a real pop, squeak, pop-pop squeak genius.
Homer: Why you little! How dare you insult me in dolphin.

King Snorky Pt. 3
Reach Level 12 and Place Bart’s Treehouse
Make Homer Strangle Bart at Home – 8h, 175c, 45xp
Make Bart Get Strangled at Home – 8h, 175c, 45xp

Bart: Cool! The “Twirl ‘N’ Hurl,” a brand new Krustyland ride. High speed spins, over-the-top loops…
Bart: Time to give it the Bart barf baptism.
Kang: The juvenile Earthling has fallen for the oldest trick in the boo: a trans-neuronic brain enslaver disguised as an amusement park ride.
Kang: Each lopp-de-loop will erode his will, until he must obey any command I give.
Kang: Even cleaning my excretion pores, which believe me, I cannot pay people enough to do.

Twirl ‘N’ Hurl
Build the Twirl ‘N’ Hurl – 12×12 – instant build
Make Bart Ride the Twirl ‘N’ Hurl – 16h, 166t, 125xp

Krusty: You monster! Set that child free! He still have money to spend here.
Kang: You are too late to stop me. Bart is in my power and will obey my commands.
Krusty: Really? Can you make him buy the crappy souvenirs at my gift shop?
Kang: That’s going to take a lot more rides on the brain enslaver.
Krusty: I got time.

Twirl ‘N’ Hurl – 24 hours – 120 tickets / 40 xp
Bart, Comic Book Guy, Milhouse, Kearny, Nelson = 16h, 166t, 125xp

Burns: Night falls, and Springfield lies beneath my feet like a giant blood buffet.
Burns: Now to take in bat form and bat-errify the city!
Burns: Ow. Darn it, my wings are all cracked and dry. Time to apply some leather conditioner.

Count Burns Pt. 1
Make The Count Rub Lotion into his Wings – 12h, 420c, 100xp

Burns: I’m famished. Time to find an unsuspecting victim to join me for “sipper”.

Count Burns Pt. 2
Make Count Burns Stalk Victims – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Homer Starts
Homer: Stop right there, vampire. I’m here to put an end to your evil evil-doing.
Burns: Then you shall become my first victim of the evening! Now let’s see, jugular or femoral artery?
Burns: Femoral has more blood, but it’s located in the crotch.
Homer: You can’t hurt me. I’m wearing a string of garlic around my neck.
Burns: I don’t see any garlic.
Homer: I… uh… oh. I ate it.

Count Burns Pt. 3
Make Count Burns Drink Homers Blood – 4h, 175c, 45xp
Make Homer Get Sucked – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Burns: Well, that was unsatisfying. I have two inch fangs but they were still to short to get through his neck fat.

Burns Starts
Burns: Confound it, if I don’t get some blood soon I’ll un-die.
Burns: Ah, here’s a likely-looking fellow. I’ll drain him like a bag of ketchup!

Count Burns Pt. 4
Make Count Burns Drink Blood – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Otto: Whoa, what happened? I feel dizzy, lightheaded, and confused.
Otto: Thank god all I have to do is drive a school bus full of children.

Burns: I don’t know what was in that bus driver’s blood, but I feel an uncontrollable urge to eat a bag of cookies and listen to Bob Marley.

Count Burns Pt. 5
Make Count Burns Chill Out to Reggae – 12h, 420c, 100xp

Burns: Bah, wandering about town in search of a decent meal is no way for a vampire industrialist to live.
Burns: I need a more reliable source of healthy food.

Count Burns Pt. 6
Reach Level 24 and Build Springfield General Hospital
Make Count Burns Make a Large Donation – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Hibbert: Mr. Burns, I can’t thank you enough for endowing a new wing at Springfield Hospital.
Hibbert: Although I’m not sure we need fourteen million gallons of capacity for donated blood.
Burns: Well, you know what they say: he who pays and then drains the life out of the piper calls the tunes.
Hibbert: And what are those human-sized tubes with the pistons inside?
Burns: Juicers.

Suzanne Starts
Homer: Hm. Warty nose. Squinty eyes. Out-of-date clothes. She must be a game designer.
Bart: Dad’ it’s that witch from the Enchanted Forest. She eats little children!
Suzanne: Oh, not any more. I spent six months at a rehab center for fairy tale eating disorders, and I’m totally cured.
Suzanne: Met a lot of nice bridge trolls there.
Homer: You say you’re cured, but there’s only one way to be sure. Bart, try to get the witch to eat you.

Hex in The City Pt. 1
Make Homer Tempt the Witch with a Succulent Bart – 4h, 175c, 45xp
Make Bart Be Tempting – 4h, 175c, 45xp
Make Suzanne the Witch Be Tempted – 4h, 175c, 45xp

Homer: Aha! I knew it! There are bite marks on Bart’s arm.
Bart: Dad, you did that.
Homer: Well, you really know how to make yourself look delicious.

Suzanne Starts
Marge: Suzanne, what do you do for a living now that you’re out of the fairy tale business?
Suzanne: I’m a magical nanny! My friend Sherry Bobbins suggested it. She used to eat kids too.
Homer: A nanny sounds great, but I’m not sure we can afford it. As it is we pay the babysitter by doing her homework.
Suzanne: Oh, magical nannies don’t take money. Just some trifle or other… that is the most dear and precious thing to your heart! *evil cackling*
Homer: Boy, that cackling would sure cheer up the house. You’re hired!

Hex in The City Pt. 2
Make Suzanne Nanny for the Simpsons – 24h, 600c, 150xp

Suzanne Starts
Bart: Dad, I wanted a BOOKie, not a nanny.
Suzanne: Don’t worry, Bart, we’ll have a wonderful time. Let’s start by cleaning up your room. It’ll be magically fun!

Hex in The City Pt. 3
Make Suzanne Magically Tidy Up Bart’s Room – 60m, 70c, 17xp

Suzanne: Oh my god, I’ve never seen such filth. It took my darkest magic to clean it up.
Suzanne: Still, now Bart’s room is tidy and… what?! It’s filthy again?! How did you do that so fast?
Bart: There is a darker power in the world than your magic. Ten year old boys.

Suzanne: That Bart is driving me crazy. Why did I ever take a job as his magical nanny? I’ve got to go home and rest.

Hex in The City Pt. 4
Make Suzanne Rest in her Gingerbread House with a Migraine – 8h, 275c, 70xp

Suzanne Starts
Lisa: Mom, Dad! Suzanne is trying to shove Bart in the oven.
Homer: Now Lisa, She’s a professional. If she needs to give Bart a time out, let her.
Suzanne: I just couldn’t take it! The kid is driving me crazy! Six months of rehab ruined.
Homer: I’m afraid we’ll have to fire you.
Homer: We’ll write a letter of reference, but it’ll be one of those wishy-washy ones that doesn’t really say anything.
Suzanne: Fine, I’ll go. But first you must pay me the thing most precious to your heart: your first-born son!
Homer: Well… he’s A thing that’s precious to my heart.
Homer: But here’s THE thing.
Suzanne: I gotta admit, it’s a pretty nice bowling ball.

Hex in The City Pt. 5
Make Suzanne Go Bowling at Barney’s Bowlarama – 12h, 600c, 150xp